New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.. – Lao Tzu

IMG_9720

It was my sophomore year in high school and the school year was wrapping up. My ex and I had the same geometry class the entire year, but it wasn’t till the end of the year this crush formed for him. I was a shy person when it came to liking boys so I wouldn’t say or do anything directly. I would brush up against the back of his head as I sat behind him in class and my friend of that time knew of my feelings for him. Finally fed up with me talking about him, one day after school we were all standing waiting for our rides when she snatched our phones and made us exchange numbers. That day couldn’t have gotten better.

Fast forward we are now 4 years in, attending the same community college, planning to attend the same university next and life is good! You never know how strong your relationship is, with people in general, until things get shaken up. My personal life was getting turned upside down and I was stressing and focusing more on that. It then came that it was time for me to make a move for myself and just leave. At first he wasn’t on board with it at all. Previously in our relationship he expressed to me how long distance wasn’t something he was particularly into. But he eventually ended up understanding why I was leaving and was okay with it. Not happy, but he said he supported me and we could work with the distance. So I left.

Now 256.9 miles away from each other we were still going strong. I could feel something was off though. Through his actions and attitude I could feel something was off, but I wasn’t trying to adhere to it. I would mention it to him and he would tell me it was all in my head or it was only me feeling that way because he felt fine about us. So I would just talk about something else. I couldn’t shake this feeling though so I brought it up again and he would just brush it off. I brought up how when I left our town how he started to change. Going out more with his friends, finally driving his parents car places, and was becoming more social. Now I had no problem with this because I encouraged him to do so when I was there. I wanted to go out places with him when I was there. It just puzzled me as to why it took me leaving for him to finally do it. Another sign I ignored.

Now we’re to the day he finally ended it. It was around 1:40am and we had got into an argument earlier that night. I called back to apologize because that’s something I did all too often. Here’s how the convo with, “I talked to my parents and they feel we need a break.” I then said “What do you feel?” He replied “I don’t believe in breaks it’s either we’re together or we aren’t.” Tears started flowing down my cheeks. “So what are you saying?” I managed to get out. He then said “I think we should break up.” My. World. Shook. He then asked if in the future could we be friends…. I told him I had to go and hung up.

I was astonished. I was in shock. My whole world crumbled before me and I couldn’t do anything about it. I called my best girl up and cried to her. She was lost for words at first because she couldn’t believe it either. I cried my heart out and none, but Jesus, my best girl, my mom, and brother heard me. I didn’t know where to go from there. I didn’t know how to process what was happening to me. I then question whether it wasn’t even real. I questioned everything about it at this point. Then it occurred to me as I sat and thought, God was trying to show me and prepare me for this way before. Sending signs and putting things right in my face, but I wasn’t willing to see it. I didn’t want to believe something I invested and gave my all to was coming to an end.

IMG_8911

Its been about 2 and a half weeks since the breakup and I feel I’m doing pretty good. I spend my time focused on God, writing, and binge watching shows. Of course it will take time to heal and get over this and I don’t know how long that’ll be. I don’t know if people even ever truly get over heartbreaks. But I’m honestly excited what’s in store for me now that I am single. I find happiness in the smallest things and it feels great! I know I have an amazing journey ahead of me with God by my side. If this relationship has taught me anything it’s to not lose yourself in the midst of loving someone else. I have nothing ill to say of him really or the relationship. I actually thank him. That relationship helped me grow and showed what I needed and didn’t need in one. It showed what to look for and what steer clear of in a man. It taught me how to differentiate between a boy and a man. So I thank you (ex name), for everything.

Advertisements

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Pina Marek says:

    Hello! Found your post in Community Pool.
    I love the way you write! The story flows so smoothly and I just couldn’t stop reading (even though I usually don’t read personal blogs). Your writing style is perfect. I would maybe just put it in a little bit shorter paragraphs, I was getting lost here and there.
    Also, you’re doing great, girl! Be strong.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you I appreciate it and duly noted about the shorter paragraphs! Thank you for the support!

      Like

  2. kedawithani says:

    *Sniff*… break ups are hard. Nice post. Stay strong and continue doing you, things will fall into place as they should.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you I really do appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Alcaree Sumner says:

    As doolly noted by your auntie, if a person or any people want to get outta your life or leave you let them because they were only meant to be there for a period. People, places n things come n go in our life. We should count them as stepping stones to higher heights. We grow.

    Like

  4. Alcaree Sumner says:

    God is not a liar! He will do what He said He will do! It’s your season to be blessed! Keep your head up! You can depend on Him. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s